Good Courage

4th of July 2021, Tuckasegee River in Dillsboro, North Carolina

As summer began, I daydreamed of writing and developing creative, clever stories on my computer as I soaked up inspiring moments on my porch swing. I got what I asked for but not how I expected it.
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June and July were intense. I silently prayed for courage to finish strong on a final stretch of this graduate school road I had chosen over a year ago.
 
In fact, I have never written, typed, or revised more. 
A plethora of homework assignments,
Grants with tight deadlines,
Ethnographies (that was a new one),
Culture lessons and curriculum plans, 
Project proposals and drafts of articles.
 
That was just June.
 
I’m not sure how I survived July.
Four weeks, two courses.
Three hours a day of zoom in French over four novels
Two presentations, two essays, two research papers
topped off with French comps of three questions in three hours with a computer and my tired brain to get me through it.
 
Did I sit tight at home to do all this work?
Not a chance- 9 states in 9 weeks.
That takes a different kind of courage and a Verizon jet pack. I did not abandon responsibilities, but instead I took them on the road with me.
 
There was a wicked fabulous vacation tour of Nevada, Utah, and Arizona, as well as three whirlwind mini-trips to Auburn, Alabama, for seminars. In between, I scooted northeast to South Carolina for time with family, south to Florida for time with friends, and north for a little Carolina sun.  I topped it off with a crazy but purposeful road trip with friends to Maryland, around D.C., through Virginia, past North and South Carolina one more time before I reached home in time to start school again.
 
My oldest daughter also forced me to carry a special secret - that I was in line for a  promotion:  from being a mom to becoming a grandmother. This hush-hush knowledge was one hundred percent distracting from my responsibilities and one hundred percent satisfying. I can be a crazy busy woman, but now I imagine what kind of grandmother I will become. My new grandmother’s name is also a hot topic of consideration. 
 
In this year of turning 50, slowing down has not been my option. I repeatedly remind myself that it is not a time of giving up.

It is a season to gather up.
 
I accumulated experiences such as hiking, kayaking, white water rafting, and off-road pink jeep riding. Sunrises, sunsets, and a little suntan framed my days. Life became more about soaking in all summer had to offer me instead of what I could offer summer.
 
During an unfortunate tree-top-extreme-swing activity, I was forced to pull the release cord myself AND hold on at the same time. I felt a little sassy and bold as I was hoisted up into the Carolina trees. Not so sassy as I fell. I only screamed one word- over and over again. Ella snapped pictures that no one will ever see, and Bob walked away shaking his head.
 
All these great experiences and all this hard work beg the question: What did I learn this summer?

Courage.
 
But I discovered a different kind of courage - how to bravely pray for forgiveness when I know better.  I sometimes need a special kind of nerve to face my choices and my mistakes. It is difficult to discern when my plans are also His plans. These summer experiences sometimes intersected with His plans, intertwined with His path, and somehow intermingled with some success.

I don’t think I learned do less or go less but I will will pause next time before I do or before I go. I pray that God will use what graduate school taught me for His glory.

It’s my resolution of how I can choose more wisely...
How will I pray and be of good courage?
How will I let Him strengthen my heart?
How will I wait upon the Lord?Psalm 27:14

Because God knows that I don't want to wait.