Sylver Linings

​If one more person tells me how stressed out I look, how worried they are about me, I’ll scream.
Not really.
But really.
Maybe scream on the inside.

Those statements don’t actually help a person in distress. I just felt guilty that others see my obvious lack of peace. I am extraordinarily grateful for people in my life who care about me. I value their feedback, but this statement ranks up there with what’s for supper…

I am not simply stressed. I may have a lot to do or perhaps I do worry about something or everything. My heart is broken and I mourn for my friend. I might pray for peace constantly and ask for discernment, but I ironically go to great links to avoid what everyone around me now sees.

When I know the peace of God deep in my heart, when I feel the comfort of it, I celebrate the joy of His plans and His direction for my life. In contrast, I falter when I feel difficult things pressing in, I feel distress and sadness. I can pray for peace. I also look for answers.

For instance,

I sought answers from my doctor, just to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind.
My A1C is finally normal-Praises.
Blood pressure normal- Praises.
We won’t mention weight gain.
Hormones? Kinda normal. Some of you laugh, but your time is coming.
All in all, I’m in better shape than I was two years ago.

I kept soul searching. Here’s what I have decided.

I do not like to feel that I’m not in His will. I do not like to feel His gentle hand of correction because I know I’m screwing something up. Winter is coming and it is bringing my 50th birthday with it. That might be part of what is wrong because there are still so many things I want to do. That and watching a few wrinkles develop and deepen since Covid.

Stupid Covid.

I can admit now that in July, I tested positive for Covid. I got it from Bob- dear, sweet, precious Bob. I refused to let it slow me down so I didn’t stop. I stayed home of course, but I didn’t stop. I zoomed my way through quarantine. I was sick, but I pretended I was not until I started to feel better. It was just too scary to talk about with others. It was easier to try and push on through rather than stop and rest. I still don’t smell things, but that is ok. It’s a nice not to be super sensitive to the smells of our dog Fargo.

I went back to work traditionally and virtually, and then just virtually. I think that’s the order.
Too much change in too short a time. My personal slow covid meltdown pushed my limits.

But Our God is awesome.

God’s gentle hand of correction tells me I may have forgotten the golden rule of peace. In the span of 24 hours, I was reminded by a professor, dear friends, and Sylver Logan Sharp that I could not take care of others if I was not taking care of myself.

I laugh because this is the woman who taught me lessons in taking the. best. selfies. Last summer in Rockville, Maryland, I met Sylver, a beautiful soul singer with Nile Rodgers and Chic. Her music was my childhood- Le Freak, Good Times, and I Want Your Love. I timidly asked for a picture so she could raise my cool factor a few notches. Her awesome response still makes me smile. “Girl, you are cool!”

(We know I am not.)

Last Saturday, I jumped at the chance to participate in Jeni Stepanek’s fabulous monthly event- the online Toast to Peace. Sylver was the guest toast master and led our discussion about Mattie’s legacy. She described Mattie’s incredible influence on her life as she created conversations about living in peace with others.

She spoke of faith and future, kindness and compassion, generosity and grace.
This woman! She can sing it, bring it, and shine it even through a zoom. Her inspirational words made me smile and this smiling helped me retrieve some much-needed perspective. Her faith inspired me.

This is also the same day that I finally bought a decorative goose. It’s a preciously overpriced reminder to shift my energy, time, and heart towards Him. To rediscover His path for me. To think about things that matter.

I am gently reminded that when I am uncertain, stressed, and ready to scream, I should…
Act Justly.
Choose Mercy.
Walk Humbly.

Maybe then my praise will rise to the surface and I can declare “Here I am Lord, desiring to do Your Will.”

And I will honk like I mean it as I claim my Sylver linings to a rough couple of months.
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