In most every relationship, a couple defines roles and chooses tasks to keep a household running smoothly. Over time, they cultivate strengths and figure out weaknesses based on trial and error. For me and Bob, it was an immediate negotiation. That’s what happens the second time around. Up front you say what you can and cannot do. Because Bob does so many things well, I tend to feel guilty that my "cannot do" list runs longer than his. I'm not lazy; I know my strengths and embrace my weaknesses. I cannot cut grass because I tore up his fancy Grasshopper the first time I used it. Being banned for life doesn’t bother me much because I am allergic to lawnmowers, pine straw, centipede, all its cousins, and most trees. I am not however allergic to our pool. Bob loves working outside, and I love being outside. Bob is a fabulous cook, and I don’t mind cleaning up. He likes to be appreciated, and I am very grateful. We complement each other quite nicely- most days. Bob is the fixer. I am the finder. Bob, fixer of all things broken, instinctively knew how to restore two families as one, mending my frayed heart in the process. He is quite amazing when repairing what we bend, drop, tear, or screw up. By modeling his servant’s heart and calmly confronting any crisis, he reminds this family how God’s love should be carried out. His superpower is removing chaos from sticky situations while offering meaningful solutions instead of impossible advice. With his own quirky brand of family man wisdom, Bob provides our kids with insight as they learn how fix their own problems. He's a good dad. The difficulties of a blended family linger, but Bob’s perspective has made our journey better. On our many road trips, he happily fixes his attention on the landscape while I gratefully find moments to zoom, work, write, or read. We can go for miles without talking, but I know what he is going to say before he turns his head in my direction. He loves talking about land. What we have is far (far far) from perfect. It’s just a perfectly crazy life that works out for us. To be honest, the marriage scale probably tips in his favor. It’s a good thing that people in this family are forever losing stuff so I can fulfill a meaningful role. I am the finder of missing items, lost objects, as well as misplaced attitudes that need to be adjusted. I can find my voice and all the words I need in three languages to set them straight. I think my primary purpose as mama is to find a way to share my faith with my kids. My walk with Jesus has been like my hiking experience last month in the Grand Canyon. There was sauntering that led to sliding, climbing that led to struggle for air, hanging on that eventually became crawling, and finally posing for a picture like everything was just fine as I praised His Holy Name for all of it. This process is not a secret. I use a finding prayer that works every single time. It’s a simple faith even though there is nothing simple about it. My finding prayer has three parts. Finding the time to pray over this family of mine is the essential part. Finding my bearings so I can be still and know that He is God is the calming part. Finding hope and purpose by anchoring my faith to His word is the ongoing part. I do find myself wondering if this family pays attention to my efforts. Will they cultivate their own special prayers as they stumble into their canyon hikes? Do they understand that this prayer eventually brought me to Bob? I'll say it again.... it’s far (far far) from being a perfect life. I get insanely jealous of Bob’s easy nature that brings peace and laughter to his relationships with our kids. Bob gets weary of trying to keep up with me and the next thing – or trip- I have planned. In this broken, patched-up, chaotic, yet beautiful life with Bob, I had to find out for myself that I am not the fabulous fixer he is. He is not the finder of new adventures like I am. It’s together that we can fix our eyes on Jesus and find strength in Him. It's a choice we need to make each day because we can't do any of it without help. On a side note, I should also stick to finding time to do laundry. Even a blind hog finds and acorn every now and then.
5 Comments
Mama Peace
6/18/2021 06:35:11 pm
Wow! This is perhaps my favorite of your blog posts this far… #StillMyFavoriteGoose
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One of my favorites. Maybe I just identify myself in this story. Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and just look around. No one person does everything. I must realize what I can do best and reach for my husband to pick up what I can’t. Prayer gets me through the rest!
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Julie Scott
6/19/2021 06:41:59 am
I'm so happy God brought you together. Keep making those memories!
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Karen Perdue
6/19/2021 07:26:14 am
Oh my Joanna!🤗 This is so FANTASTIC!!!
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Tinka Newman
6/22/2021 06:07:26 am
You say this may not be perfect, but it's as close as you can get! Every relationship needs this kind of love! Love both of you!
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JoAnna Arnold
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